15 January 2007

6 fight club

The Rules of Engagement

setting: flight 615, row 26, seats D-F.

[after her lovely weekend and a slight delay, the OLINE takes her seat in E, the middle of row 26, and returns to the memoirs of the duc de saint-simon. there is an unexpected ruckus in the aisle. JEN scoots past the OLINE to the window seat (F) and throws her belongings onto the floor. half a minute passes. there is another unexpected ruckus in the aisle. BRAD throws himself into D and dumps his stuff on the floor. the plane takes off. half a minute of silence follows.]

BRAD: i just wish we could talk about this.

JEN: what?

BRAD: you just get pissed off and walk away and we don't talk about it.

JEN: what did you say to me?

BRAD: i said i wish we could talk about it.

JEN: i wish you weren't here right now.

BRAD: what?

JEN: you know what.

BRAD: it was only a gesture.

JEN: what?

BRAD: a gesture. it was only a gesture.

JEN: what?


JEN: you're dead to me.

[twenty minutes of silence ensues.]

[JEN stares at her oprah's book club selection, ignoring BRAD. OLINE remains glued to saint-simon. BRAD leans over OLINE, whispering.]

BRAD: it's all because you're afraid.

JEN: what?

BRAD: of commitment. you're afraid of commitment.

JEN: what?


JEN: it's not like i'm stupid. i just didn't hear.

BRAD: see. you get all pissed off and shut down because you're afraid of commitment.

JEN: i'm so not. i'm like this horse in this book. it just wants to run free.

BRAD: what?

JEN: run free. i'm a horse.

BRAD: you're a what?

JEN: you never understand me.

BRAD: you're a horse?

JEN: don't you dare call me a horse!

BRAD: but you just said...

JEN: you never understand me.

BRAD: see how it all comes back to your intimacy issues.

JEN: my intimacy issues?

BRAD: sometimes i just wish you'd grow up.

JEN: what?

BRAD: we should never have come here.

JEN: what?

BRAD: this is never going to work.

JEN: well, why don't you just dump me. just dump me right here on this damn plane.

BRAD: see. you're running away.

[forty-five minutes of silence ensues.]

JEN: it's like a blizzard out there.

BRAD: no. no. that's, like, a light snow.

JEN: you never understand me.

BRAD: see how your intimacy issues always get in the way.

JEN: what?

BRAD: nothing.

JEN: what?

BRAD: just look at the snow.

JEN: it's like a blizzard.

BRAD: what?

JEN: it's like a blizzard.

OLINE: it could be so much worse.

[curtain down.]


Les Savy Ferd said...

i've never actually given it much thought but yes, yes I too am a horse that just wishes to run. run free.

all i get on planes are angry babies just woken up from surgery after having olympic track runner's lung implants.

oh how i wish her name was angelina?

oline said...

what? did you call me a horse?

there was some dramatic license taken with the names, but the whole episode was very much brad and jen back from anguilla (and it is sick sick that my brain retains such stupid tabbits).

Bombsy said...

ewmigawd! is jen vanessa's sister????!!!!????

oline said...

that bitch. bet you're right. i felt that the comment caroline's dancing is so ridiculous was being forcibly held back.

Clark MF Price said...

Oh my goodness. People fighting in public is amazing. I want to start a website with just people fighting in public. Some of the things they say are just priceless. Maybe a book about all the fights I witnessed documented for posterity.

oline said...

i've always loved the idea of invisible theater and staging a public fight just for the hell of it. but i'd get the giggles and give the whole thing away.