in recent gym news, croftie and i have developed a major joint crush on our gay aerobics instructor. because our affections have not been dampened by his wearing what appears to be a unitard, we believe this is true love.brantley. we can't even say the name without letting a little sigh escape. it's so sexy. it's so harlequin romance.
we first ducked into brantley's step class to escape the overeager gym worker who always asks, how was your workout, CROFT? oline, how was YOUR workout? in such a way that we're painfully aware of our ill-fitting gym pants. but brantley. brantley makes us feel like queens.
last sunday, we attended the class after brantley's. brantley was standing in the opposite corner wiping the sweat from his beautiful brow as croftie and i discussed the virtues of a joint crush.
this'll give us a whole new thing to do together! i exclaimed. croftie did major eyebrows of elation.
then brantley saw us. he walked toward us.
brantley's coming over!!! croftie whispered.
act natural!!! i gasped.
and we tried in vain to look as disinterested as possible. (if you've ever been a twelve-year-old girl, you know this routine.)
brantley approached! he remembered us! he knew our names! he shook croftie's hand!
there is some dispute about the handshakage. in retrospect, croftie feels that perhaps brantley was making an effete gesture that she misinterpreted as the instigation of a handshake and upon which she misguidedly seized his hand and shook it. nevertheless, we both swooned.
at the very least, we expect brantley to become our dear bosom friend. because we've realized that our lives have a shocking lack of legitimate gay right now and we feel less like city women for it.
but deep down, croftie and i are quite sure that brantley's madly in love with us both and that one day he's going to shout, croftie! oline! saddle your ponies! and whisk us off to a deserted isle where we'll sassily shimmey and sprint to select britney spears hits for the rest of our days.
oh, brantley! sigh!
19 comments:
This is a most brilliant post! Makes me feel young (13!) again. Oh, how I do love when he says "Saddle your ponies, girls!"
I'll stop there.
when he was sweet-talking that stereo system the other day- oh my.
saddle your ponies. oh my! How delightful!
grumble grumble
you're welcome to saddle your pony and join us, pirate.
tee hee. pony.
and be hit on, whilst yee two harlots hit on Brantley? a mighty harrumph.
Oh, Brantley would LOVE you! He seems just the demure yet tough type of man who longs to be carried away by a pirate...
Hehe. Ohlighn, we're harlots! Now we can buy those shirts in the back room...
we're nowhere near as bad as the shirts in the back room!
oh my! a steamy bi-romance novel in the making; brantley (that is NOT his real name)kidnapped by the dread pirate and his two saucy pirate hookers.
why is it that gay men insist on having long names? has anyone ever noticed that?
brantley is so his real name.
naw. nuh uh. brantley is nobody's real name.
just you wait. when croftie and i bosom befriend him and he comes riding into our friendgroup shouting, saddle your ponies, then you'll believe.
Speaking of a Brantley, do you ever see a Mr. Matthew Brantley and his wife too?
nope. i think we run in very different chicago circles.
I miss my FG (favorite Gay). Drew was an ex-aerobics instructor and we met in body bar class when he took the last 2 pound bar and left me with the 10 pound bar. It was Gay-love at first sight after that.
what, pray tell, is body bar? i swear, everything you do sounds so melrose place- even if it's just weight-lifting!
A body bar is basically a weighted bar that is about 3-4 feet long and you do aerobic type exercise with it so it provides some weight lifting to your aerobic exercise. I told him I was gonna beat him with that bar but I couldn't lift my arms after 30 minutes with it.
Caro, check your email for the St. Louis exploits!
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