14 November 2006
14 you can never go down the drain
my biggest kid-crush was mr. rogers. i loved that man. i loved everything about him- from his sweaters to his hypnotic voice. my parents hated everything about him- especially his sweaters and his hypnotic voice.
mr. rogers had this song that allayed all my childhood fears about going down the drain. because while i didn't suspect that i could go down the drain in my entirety in one big swoosh, it seemed quite logical that a rogue toe could fit through. or that a lock of the oline hair might get caught up in the swirl and suck my whole silly head down with it.
so i had some worries. but mr. rogers calmed them. he sang, you can never go down, you can never go down, you can never go down the drain! and i believed him.
which is why it was a rather stunning twist of events last night when i actually wanted to go down the drain. because nothing was going down the drain. not me, not water, not draino, not squat.
somewhere along the way, the drain went on strike. in the aftermath, it's been like showering in a wading pool. participants in the Let's All Go See Oline Before It Gets Stoopid Ridiculous Cold Up There In That Freezy Winter Wonderland In Which She Has Chosen To Dwell-O-Rama can attest to this.
much like standing in the hull of sinking ship, one grows increasingly aware of the rising tides. by the time of conditioning, one is ankle-deep in water. stay much longer and death by dirty waters would ensue.
clearly, this is intolerable. so last night, i- a girl who abhors cleaning bathrooms, entering bathrooms, talking in bathrooms, seeing other people exit bathrooms and bathroom humor- went to war with my bathroom.
i went to war and i won. there were vigorous celebrations. the veive was tossed in the air a couple times. we donned silly hats and threw a dance party and fell into bed at half past three.
this morning, bleery-eyed from the revelries, i stumbled into the shower and nearly banged my face on those damn plants. recovered but dazed, i turned on the water. a flash flood.
my man rogers forgot to mention, the drain always wins.