11 October 2006

37 heaven tonight


tonight- the night on which the winter of our freezicating discontent officially commenced- the project TNOWCBRATT took us where we inevitably knew it would. but this does not mean we were prepared. that we weren't both rather stunned when the bombshell dunked her chocolate chip cookie, leaned back and declared, so i guess at this point we must ask ourselves how marilyn would greet jackie in heaven.

blindsided by the fact that we would have to ask ourselves such a thing- though i must have always known we would- i abruptly leaned forward, my hair sweeping up the pile of pumpkin bread crumbs that i would spend the remainder of the evening shaking from it. i was a mess. i wasn't ready. had i known we were going to heaven, would've at least shaved my legs.

by now, we're pretty certain the project TNOWCBRATT is unspeakably awesome. we read it and we laugh and cry. as though this weren't actually our project TNOWCBRATT. as though elves were writing furiously in the night to produce theatrical brilliance for us. this project TNOWCBRATT- sometimes the nature of it can't even be revealed to us at this time.

our ladies are surprising. these ladies we know so well. we read that jackie ashed her cigarette on marilyn's carpet and we jumped back in shock. jackie! we gasped. what a bitch! as though we hadn't been sitting in panera a month ago cackling about how hysterical it would be for jackie to do precisely that. as though she were no longer our jackie. as though she had become her own.

so tonight the project TNOWCBRATT made it to heaven. and we sat in starbucks trying to figure out what jackie and marilyn would say in heaven. we, of course, knew what they would be wearing, but what would they be like? would they be funny in heaven? or serious? would smoking be allowed? we had no idea. we didn't know where to begin. we were lost. we could not go on.

until the intrepid bombsy dunked her chocolate chip cookie, leaned back and astutely observed, we've got to assume they'd have all sorts of wisdom and shit because they're, like, dead. and with that we have our motivation and our subtitle.

the project TNOWCBRATT: jackie, marilyn, & all sorts of wisdom & shit.

37 comments:

Meggie said...

Carolina, it always cracks me up to hear (or read) you cursing. I will never forget you and Amy blacking out the curse words in that book in high school.

My Jackie is a a foxy little minx who would greet Marilyn with a "Wassup 'ho?"

oline said...

that would be girl, interrupted and i would like to establish that i only whited-out the curse words because mrs. adams' study hall was THAT boring and because partner was scared by the quiet room and needed to be protected. (and it's so very weird that you call her Amy, meggie. for a split second always have to think of who that is.)

love you that have a jackie. everyone should.

Les Savy Ferd said...

Answer to one of your thought provoking questions.

Q: "Is smoking allowed in Heaven?"
A: Yes. As Heaven is both infinitely vast and exists at all times its by-laws suggest those offended by second-hand smoke simply whisk themselves away spatially or temporally for the duration of the smoking. Conversely, smoking is discouraged in Hell. Little known fact: St Paul has quite the soft spot for Cuban cigars.

oline said...

o great pirate. this would be why you're our joe d. you know things.

Meggie said...

Caro, I need to scan in the pic of Amy and I riding the same bike at my 6th birthday party for you.

Off to Lowes to buy paint. I'm inspired. I'm painting the soffit in my kitchen--green and yellow stripes to match the dish towels.

oline said...

what on earth is a soffit??? a kitchen counter with a built-in sofa? i am baffled.

Meggie said...

*L* No! It's an architectural detail (I spend way too much time watching TLC, Discovery Home, and HGTV). It's an area of the wall above my kitchen cabinets that kinda juts out a little. No, my kitchen is too small for a sofa.

Ok, I really need to stop procrastinating on going to the Social Security office that's in the ghetto. Just suck it up and go to the ghetto!

Bombsy said...

Love that you blogged about this; it IS momentous and needs to be discussed. Mmmm...chocolate chip cookie.

nick said...

nashvegas has a ghetto? what part of town contains this alleged ghetto?

back to the dougO's point - i think it would be even better if in heaven - cigarettes were still sexy smokey buzzy fun - but actually smelled like your favourite smell, tasted like your favourite taste, and seeing as you'd then be an immortal being - would do you no harm! magical cigarette machines would be at every one of the heavenly pubs that would always be playing fantastic sports on ginormous TVs. i need a minute to take that in.

Bombsy said...

that would be fabulous...but hard to stage. just like my nick's assertion that jackie's head should explode in ACT II.
In heaven, my cigarettes would smell like Chanel No. 5!

oline said...

i hate to be ultimatumsoline but there will most certainly be no exploding heads!

Bombsy said...

wait...what?
i thought we agreed on jackie's head exploding.

just kidding.

nick said...

i think mine would have to smell like burberry's brit. it's my smell, baby!

oline said...

i repeat- no exploding heads. but it might be interesting to throw some firearms into the equation. what if drunkilyn did target practice with the cheese sandwich? or if jack-well-line knocked off the tv? or if our girls' time in heaven came to a head with a supernatural duel amid the exquisite decor? then we could be The Project TNOWCBRATT: jackie, marilyn & all sorts of wisdom and exploding shit- which might, finally give us an in with the gun-toting heterosexual, unliterary male crowd. though i don't know how well they would react to the riot. probably need to have a gun-check at the door.

Meggie said...

Y'all's heaven scares me. My heaven doesn't have cigarettes or guns.

Nick, Nashville (I *refuse* to call it Nashvegas) does have a ghetto--actually several. I live near one. Nolensville Rd has become Little Mexico a.k.a Hispanic Ghetto. That's where the Social Security Office is. BTW, did you know directions for Social Security cards also come in Spanish? Disturbing.

nick said...

meggie - my dad works at southern hills hospital half the week. i know the nolensville rd./little mexico/little arabia/little philippines area very well. i love that part of town. awesome mexican bakeries and intl. food stores.

and we have, admittedly, managed to make heaven a slightly scary place. all i really want to do there is to have at least one meal with jesus. after my project is finished, i'm sure he'll have a few critiques - would make the best author's note on the second edition in the history of ever.

oline said...

so would you be writing the author's note from heaven or after a brief heavenly jaunt to break bread with Our Lord? or you could jot the note on a heavenly stone and hurl it from the skies in the general direction of franklin. (it's very unjust that osutein is right now at this moment seeing bono on michigan ave. grrrrr.)

Les Savy Ferd said...

you guys never mentioned the possibility of exploding heads at our dinner session at the Mother and Papa Bombshell's. Suddenly I have that scene from Scanners in my head, that I've never actually seen in movie form, but that they play on the Daily Show from time to time when some peice of news is incredibly, head explodingly baffling.

Also Heaven would be/is/will be scary if only for the Eternity bit. Eternity anything scares the pantaloons straight out of my closet.

oline said...

even the calvin klein?

Bombsy said...

Y'ALL! There was never serious consideration given to a Jackiexplosion. No sooner had it come out of the Unseen Hand's mouth (wierd) than it was vetoed.

We don't DO explosions.

Bombsy said...

Wait-Bono is on Michigan avenue?
right now?
omg.
gotta go!

Les Savy Ferd said...

in my head you followed up:
"We don't DO explosions."
with:
"We ARE explosions."

Bombsy said...

WE ARE EXPLOSIONS!
oh, i love it!
Allright, y'all, now we're all EXPLOSIONS!

Meggie said...

Nick: If you call me Meggie, can I call you Nickie? Kinda like Nicky Hilton... *laughs* I used to kinda work at Southern Hills. I now work for Summit.

Caro: Is Franklin part of heaven? I'm confused. Where did Franklin come in?? It's the paint fumes. Killing my brain cells.

oline said...

franklin was the direction in which nicky should hurl the author's note carved in heavenly stone.

tell me about the paint. color? matte or gloss? need visuals.

nick said...

meggie: franklin came in because my project (it's a book) takes place mostly in franklin, but a chapter in heaven).

bombsy & dougO: clearly, we are scientists should have called themselves, we are explosions!!

just dougO: if you have pantaloons, how are you not already wearing them? why are they in the closet?

oline: i'm thinking Our Lord and Saviour would allow me a few rogue hours to go talked to the chaps at doubleday (or which ever house is my publisher) to work a second edition author's note after my passing. maybe i'll even have enough time to do another larry king live, because he'll obviously be alive long after all of us are gone... and on his 12th wife. and still be the father of toddlers. **shutter**

nick(y) (not hilton) out!

oline said...

i rather think at some point they should change the name to "larry king alive"- because the emphasis has so obviously shifted from his skills as a soft interviewer to the sheer spectacle of him staying alive. he's the liz taylor of men.

nick said...

who's his jacko? tammy faye bakker?

oline said...

undoubtedly. she would also be the most hilarifying halloween costume EVER.

nick said...

if that's what you're going to do, you'd better start stocking up on makeup now!

oline said...

really don't think that's an option. i can rock the cheap eyeliner. the mile high eyeshadow i cannot do. and any attempt would simply scare the pantaloons off the unfortunate children on the other side of the croft's door.

nick said...

by the bought by... i've now decided that the picture you've chosen on this post really belongs somewhere in some scissor sisters liner notes. i should be their manager.

oline said...

volumes could be written about that picture. and albums and plays and operas and epic poems. and of course, collages, abstracts, papier maches, large scale light installations, and yard ornaments.

Les Savy Ferd said...

All this rambling and nobody has brought up the head explodingly smack -you-in-the-face "bet you thought I was months away, but Nuh-Ungh!" fact that its SNOWING.

Meggie said...

I've got a whole lot of "HUH?" going on right now.

Caro: It's green and yellow eggshell. It's a two five inch green stripes with a 2.5 inch yellow stripe in the middle. I'll send pictures when I get it done. Was gonna get more done today but had to get my cuddle on. *grins* He brought me Cokes!

Bombsy said...

Um...would it be bad/inflamatory to suggest that Marilyn makes a prettier Jackie than Jackie?

oline said...

a huge part of loving jackie is being comfortable with the fact that she was rather odd looking. so while some might be offended by that, since we know mm and jbko are in fact dear, dear friends giggling about heavenly decor, i'm cool with it.