26 September 2006
24 pillbox tested, pirate approved
for quite some time, i've had four primary addictions: diet coke, gluesticks, bonnie bell chapsticks, and h+m. now, there's the official pillbox gum.
by some complete trick of fate, i-- who really don't even like gum, the tropics or the twist-- happened upon trident tropical twist gum. it is unspeakably awesome. even the bombshell agrees.
it has become "Our Gum." as we pace the aisles of what used to be the osco that carried at least half the things we needed, but is now laboriously being converted to a CVS that sells toilet paper only by the individual roll, there are always checkout exclamations of ooooh. at least they have Our Gum! they may not have diet drinks, cereal, makeup, shampoo, cat litter or sticks of chap or glue, but somehow Our Gum is always there.
the most powerful testament that i can offer to the wonderousness of the tropical twist is this: i slipped the dread pirate a piece at the man man show. we were mid-convo about curious facial hair and hoodies. i was saying something benignly witty and making grandiose gestures when the dread pirate said: WOW. with a sidelong glance, i got a pretty good idea of what it must have been like to see the apostle paul on the road to damascus. there was the dread pirate, bathed in the red glow of stage lights, beaming and reaching out to steady himself. promptly began racking my brain for what witticism could have been so stupifyingly glorious. then i remembered. Our Gum. it's that damn good.