31 August 2006
the perks of being a girl (slips! skirts! stilettos! oh my!) are really too great to ever resent not being a guy. but if i were a guy- probably because i read entirely too many dumas novels at entirely too young an age- i would want to be a swashbuckler. because swashbuckling seems the best of both worlds. fancy weaponry? yes. frilly, bejewelled clothing? yes. violent, heroic death? yes. perfumes? yes. and it just sounds like the funnest guy thing to be (despite the fact that my feminine sensibilities are rather disgusted by the "swash" bit).
i do realize that swashbuckling is not all schemes and swagger and sabers. it's very 17th century paris- and that's a century and a paris where baths were infrequent and the wearing of all things velvetine was bound to result in some unpleasantry. but if i were a swashbuckling fella, i could deal.
of the three musketeers- of which there were actually four- i would probably be aramis. if we're basing that on the disney film (the one that made chris o'donnell the offical dreamboat of 1993), that would make me charlie sheen. a mysterious, spiritual, sensual charlie sheen as opposed to a drugged-out, sex-addicted, 9/11-conspiracy-touting charlie sheen. in the 1998 dicaprio version, i would be played by jeremy irons, which is a bit more respectable.
but, i do have to wonder, is there a swashbuckler in all of us? secretly. deep down. particularly the men. do you occasionally, in private with the curtains drawn, don frilly blouses and brandish imaginary weapons while doing the dishes? sometimes i wear the red lace bombshell dress and rhinestones while vacuuming. because sometimes, as a girl, you just need to be audrey hepburn being sabrina fairchild. et tu, lads?