24 August 2006

10 the perks of being an oline

aside from owning the vieve and living in the city and working in my field and having jack black's body and writing the thing (TNOWCBRATT), the next coolest bit about being an oline is rocking the prefixes. this isn't entirely unique. if there's an o in your name, you too can likely rock the prefixes. but not everyone has harnessed that level of rockingness and not everyone has an o. and it takes some work. lindear and i have tried for months to prefix her and all we've come up with is the fun "funda" and the frightful "counselorda." after months of resignation, the bombshell- who is o-less- and i only just today discovered that she could be "translateslie." so there's always hope, with or without an o.

lest this make no sense, some samples:
bootsoline
caffeinedoline
charmsoline
cheapsoline
chicagoline
cooksoline
exerciseoline
glamoline
hotoline
no-fun-times-oline
pornoline
prudeoline
reads-a-lot-oline
shortoline
sickoline
sleepsoline
smirksoline
sneaksoline
snideoline
snoboline
stompsoline
tabloidsoline
talloline
treatsoline
tripsoline
trustoline
urbanoline
(and, of course, the ever popular) trampoline

this may appear fantastically vain (yet charmingly ironic, since some hardly apply), but as an english-head, descriptors and conciseness are vital. why wander home dead beat from work and say heavens! i'm feeling awfully rather ill today! when you can plead sickoline! and collapse in bed, no questions asked? it's just more linguistically prudent. because, as hank told us in PI class (perched indian-style atop his chair, looking earnestly into our bleary, 8 a.m. friday morning eyes), you've got to make your words do the work you want them to do. advice well worth the $40,000 price tag. advice that i have just used to justify juvenile prefix play. a perk indeed.

10 comments:

Clark "not so effen hardcore" Price said...

Sadly, my name is too short and manly to put a prefix to it. The most I get is the suffices(rw?) -ie and -iepoo.
Even if suffices isn't a real word, I will use it with such conviction and purpose that people won't even question it.

oline said...

as syntaxoline (which isn't quite right, but dictionsoline kind of sucks) i will now leap in and say that it's "suffixes," though really "suffices" would be so much better. you should start a suffices movement... that was going somewhere witty but someone just howled very loudly in the alley and i jumped off the thought train. am apparently not going to finish a single thought with you today! cray-Z.

oline said...

aha! it's great that my ginormous audience of telemarketer readers might be presently struggling to figure exactly how "binga binga" is so manly, when it seems, at first glance, so "wake me up before you go go." what's the dealio, yo?

Bombsy said...

My-very-favorite-brunette-bombshelloline.

Les Savy Ferd said...

now I have that zoolander gas station scene in my head. And just now got the pun in trampOline. I never knew.

Bombsy said...

WAKE ME UP, BEFORE YOU GO-GO!

oline said...

don't leave me hanging on like a yo-yo! with the return of the king oustein i think we need a zoolander night. our lives aren't ridiculously good-looking enough right now. and yes, dread pirate slowgO, though wholly inapplicable, trampoline really is the height of prefixation.

Les Savy Ferd said...

whats a 'tnowcbratt'? let me share my thoughts:

tnowcbratt (teh-NOW-kuh-brot) Noun. Ancient Olininian (from 'tehnau' = huge heap; 'Kuew' = awesome; and 'Brokt' = writingness) definition:

A heaping huge pile of awesome writingness. Said pile can be stored digitally via a computer notebook or impeccably organized in a binder, journal, trapper-keeper, or scrap-book. Or it may just occupy the bottom drawer of your filing cabinet.

Used in a sentence: "Hey Ol!gn, is that a tnowcbratt or are ya just happy to see me?"

oline said...

TNOWCBRATT: "the nature of which cannot be revealed at this time." origin. the dancing lessons, the nature of which could not be revealed at that time.

but in this instance the literal translation of "huge pile of awesome writingness" is totally applicable since, in its present usage, TNOWCBRATT was a reference to that huge pile of awesome writingness- the cupcake&bombsybox. and you can bet your mismatched socks there's some impecable organization going on in that trapper-keeper.

and i very much expect to hear you start bandying this dear word around. when we're all clinging to the wall at the party tomorrow, let's do loudly pontificate on the virtues of TNOWCBRATT.

Clark "not so effen hardcore" Price said...

Zoolander without me? Sadness. But you guys don't realize what a good Eugoogalizer I am.