26 August 2006

30 the afterbath

the dread pirate and i go way back. to 2003 at least. we are bonded by an affinity for colored sneaks and whiney male lead singers. i trust and highly esteem the dread pirate. so, spurred on by his spirited defense of them, today i took a bath. mind you, this was not a first. i have bathed before.

my fears of going down the drain were long ago allayed by mr. rogers, so to me the greatest possible bath-related disaster is the dropping of one's book into the suds. sheepishly, i have returned to mr. foote's hefty, hardbacked, bazillion-paged civil war triology (it's been tempestuous- i love him and leave him a lot), so a drop-induced tidal wave could have been deadly. i clutched the behemoth a mile above the bubbles, white-knuckled with worry.

hence it was all the more traumatic when out of absolutely nowhere, an unexpectedly stiff chicago breeze blew through the open window, pitching a leafy plant off the sill and- with a confetti of cobwebs and dirt and pebbles- into my bath.

calming? cleansing? not so much.

30 comments:

Meggie said...

Carolina... Here's a bit of advice about the bathing. One: Don't open the window when you live in a city who is nicknamed "The Windy City". Two: Buy one of those bath tray things with a book stand on it.

However, I understand your bath phobia. Mine goes back to Ghostbusters 2 (the pink goo! Traumatizing!).

oline said...

[to begin- meggie eggie- HURRAH!!!!!!!!!!!]
don't know about those newfangled bath tray/book stand thingies. that seems like a lot of hardware to have in a bath. i would feel the need to wear clothes. and that's rather against the point. but since i like waters of a ridiculously scalding hot temp, the opened window in the windy city is usually a good thing. it was the plant on the sill that was unbelieveably stupid. you saw the danger, why did you not say CAROLINA. i'm cracking my ass off at that plant in the window that's so clearly going to catapult into your bath someday?! incidentally, "like a prayer"- in my head for the past 19 hours. argh! (but in a kind of good way.)

Meggie said...

Or how about the other fav from the other day, "Caro (as in Karo), why don't you be on top of the ball and remove the plant?"

Agree with the ridiculously scaling hot water. Only way to take a shower. Much more difficult with the bath, though.

BTW, you've now created a monster.

oline said...

i see what you're doing. don't you be trying to get other people mispronunciating all my names. someone kept calling me oleeen the other day and gesturing off into the distance. kept thinking who the hell is this oleeen person?

and the scalding water bath is best done when you've walked around for miles during the dead of the chicago winter with one less layer than was required. you fill up the bath, leap in and alternate drinking ice water and hot chocolate. so you're both freezing and burning at the same time. freakish but delightful.

nick said...

confession: when i hear oline in my head, it rhymes with pauline. haaa.... it would appear the monster has two heads.

oline said...

it's spreading already, maggot! (you earned that one so no complaining!) i could maybe deal with it rhyming with paulina (puh-line-uh) because that's my favorite chicago street name. but this oleen business. that's not cool!

there are those lame people who accidentally call me carolyn and carlone and calvin and karen. there was that guy i went on a date with who called me kathleen the entire time. but you're my friends and this is just basic phonics really. oh!-'lighn. o. line. oh! line!

nick said...

enter insistoline, stage right. haaa... again. to my credit, you and i haven't spoken without keystrokes in... oh say eight years. and our teenage selves were never terribly aware of one another, as tragic as hindsight has proved that to be. the freakiest of fun & fascinating flukes this continues to prove to be. as for phonetical foul ups - i will do my best not to utter the wrong vowel sound. as for what my mind's ear hears... i often take no responsibility for what goes on up there, anyway.

oline said...

so when my own comment emphatically insisting that oh!-'lighn is the only logical pronunciation showed up in my inbox, i saw "oline" and thought who's oleeen?! i am sufficiently humbled.
[exit insistsoline, stage left.]

oline said...

and that alliteration was dizzying, my friend!

nick said...

alliteration is my mistress... and the ease of the tease on this one was too tempting to tune out. as for the intial beginnings of your entry... let's just say you don't do mud baths.

Meggie said...

First off: excuse the ramblingness because I fear dementia is contagious. Two: It is "oleen" to me because I always call you "Carolina" as in Carolina Herrera, not North Carolina.
Three: I started the Caro! It is pronounced Cay-row, not the other weird one.
Four: I'm never telling you another story about my old, hard of hearing, dementia patients messing up my name again.
Five: I've got to go back to my parents and dig out an old high school yearbook... I blame it on the dementia.

Les Savy Ferd said...

I'm sorry for you bath misfortune. I've never had to bath under the constant threat of potted plant shrapnel before as our felined apartment has been de-flora-nated for some time due to the little one's phobia that our cats will single out and eat only the most poisonous leaves, petals, and bulbs insuring their untimely deaths. With no plants and (incidentally) no windows in the w.c. how could I possibly warn you of your impending fate? Don't let a blustery gust ruin your bathing prospects for the rest of time. These things (apparently) happen. I'm sure you handled it with green aplomb

Les Savy Ferd said...

Ohl!ghn. Previously I mentioned the bizarre website I reached after a casual mispelling of your lovely address. a simple letter inversion. Here it is:

http://olineinthecity.blogpsot.com

But this is not all. Further web-misadventures happened to me again today. This time I do not recall what I typed in exactly that encouraged the vast nether-regions of the internet to spew forth such deliciously campy (and lets be honest, unscrutably horrifying) Finnish(?) Swedish(?) Dutch(?) gold, but i thought maybe you'd want to check it out as well. observe:

http://www.dr.dk/oline/

oline said...

WHOA. i was ok with being affiliated with the "if it's in the Bible, it should be on this site" people. i was not prepared to share a nickname with a wobble-eyed flying newt (whose host, incidentally, looks like a poor danish man's conan o'brien).

and the plant in the bathwater incident was, in fact, handled with the greenest aplomb i could find!

Clark "not so effen hardcore" Price said...

I like to shower first and then bathe. Fortunately my apt. has lots and lots of scalding hot water. In all of my bathing career, I have never been attacked by a plant. Let alone a domesticated one. Good luck with your next bathing endeavor, just don't be like Jesse with the bathing.

oline said...

what on earth did jesse do?? only really remember him as he was when we'd watch ER and sit up in that wingbacked chair methodically stroking the cat, looking kind of devilish.

nick said...

people still watch ER?

Bombsy said...

Damn, y'all...party on Caro's blog!

oline said...

this is why our marriage is so strong, bombsy!

and, yes, way back in the spring of 2003, some people did still watch ER. said some people have long since stopped.

Osutein-sensei said...

I have to admit I pronounce it "oleen" in my head, even tho I know it should be "O-line," as if the L had alphabetical rather than color-based route names. Also, I still watch ER, tho largely b/c it was one of he only English language programs on my TV the past two years and thus I felt a moral obligation to watch.

Clark "not so effen hardcore" Price said...

I remember when we would want to go somewhere to eat and be about to leave and we would ask jesse if he wanted to go and he would say let me take a bath first. 30+ min later he would be ready to go. He would just refuse to take a shower. After 2-3 times of this I just told him that we would meet him up there.

oline said...

so that's why we met jesse everywhere?! aha! i love it when there's logic.

Meggie said...

Ok... I am so loving the fact that someone else says it "oleen" other than me.

And I watch ER!! HELLO! Luka Kovac is HOT. Too bad they can't make men like that in real life. Or doctors not be so arrogant!

Clark "not so effen hardcore" Price said...

Apparently Beanhead your blog is the happening place. I would venture to say that it is "The Scene"
Given this, would that make you CaroScene?
Sorry, I had to go for it.

oline said...

that would bring me fabulously close, closer than i've ever been, to being "sean bean" (pronounced SEEN BEAN for those of you who can't read things and say them in your heads properly) and that's pretty much been my lifelong goal.

Clark "not so effen hardcore" Price said...

CaroSceneBeanOline!

oline said...

am completely not stuffing the comment box here- but just wanted to say that i don't know in quite what instance "scenebeanoline" would be most appropro, but i will put forth a valiant effort to find one. when a scene has been olined perhaps? though that sounds mildly disgusting, as though it would be said with an expression most often reserved for upleasant smells.

Clark "not so effen hardcore" Price said...

Of the many things that being "Olined" may entail, I don't think disgusting is among them.

Clark "not so effen hardcore" Price said...

You know me, I can do this all night. I never go to sleep.

Clark "not so effen hardcore" Price said...

Apparently, I did go to sleep. Much to my chagrin. Somebody commanded me to sleep. In as much a victorian voice that the intarweb can convey.